Category Archives: Blog

Random musings about my day and my life and anything that really relates to me.

Spencer

Spencer Burton likes to rap when he’s drunk. He’s really good at it too. That is, either he actually is, or it just seems that way because everyone around him is also drunk and their judgment is impaired so they can’t tell whether or not his rhymes are actually skilled. This kid is an enigma. He is hilarious and widely loved by his peers. At parties, he is the life and soul of interaction.  With his abrasive and profane sense of humor he demands that his friends and everyone around him has fun, and they obey.

Not many people can say something funny on command. In fact, I don’t think I’ve talked to a single person that can except for Spencer. His name is that of a nerdy little elementary school kid, but this guy is charismatic and popular and has friends that love him. He’s still a nerd though, but he is one of the nerds that works it and lives and loves life. Anyway, once when he was at a party, two of his peers were discussing how laughing and smoking at the same time is not a fun experience, and one of them turned to him and asked him to say something funny, expecting Spencer to just laugh it up and not say anything.

Instead, he turned to his friends and said to them “King Kong has a hairy dick.”

Naturally, being teenagers and all, they all thought this was incredibly funny and cracked up for a solid three minutes. Spencer is used to this attention and he thrives under social pressure. Instead of feeling the need to please or impress the people he interacts with, he just says the funny things that come to his mind and feeds off their positive responses.

Like any kid his age, he is naturally insecure, but instead of showing this through his actions, he puts a front to the world and spends time with his girlfriend Lisa. She is perfect for Spencer because her personality is much more sweet and easygoing and usually he can just boss her around in his half-joking manner and she’ll go along with it. The worst thing he’s ever done in his life was cheat on her. He didn’t have sex with someone else, but he did let things go a little farther than they should have when he was at college. He felt responsible and told Spencer the next day, upon which she immediately forgave him.

This was tough for Spencer because one of the reasons he likes her so much is that she goes along with things like this and doesn’t hold grudges, but at the same time she felt as if she didn’t care that he had strayed. He started to become concerned, worrying about her letting things go as easily as she let his unfaithfulness pass unchallenged. He resolved to stay with her because he does love her, but also because he is afraid of letting her be taken advantage of by someone else or in a worse way in the future.

This brings me to the paradox that is Spencer. He is essentially a good person, but he is also a teenage boy, which means he is susceptible to temptation, rebellion, and the allure of drugs. This oftentimes gets him into trouble, as someone as easygoing as him has an awful time trying to say no to anyone offering him drinks. He’s also not one to “tweak,” meaning he will never be the responsible person in any situation, as paranoia or even standard caution is not common for him to practice.

That being said, as previously mentioned his is outstanding at dealing with situations when under massive amounts of pressure. When neighbors start asking questions about a party, his little sister is getting into trouble with the boys at her school, or his friend gets caught with weed in his locker at high school, Spencer is a pro at stepping in and diffusing any potentially disastrous situation. This is most likely because he has an abnormally functioning mind that operates at high levels of intelligence and intellect, giving him an uncanny ability to read people and predict how they will respond to certain comments or situations.

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Bethany

Bethany has been a therapy patient for quite some time. There was even a period of her life in which she was committed to psychiatric care, but now she remains a somewhat functional member of society as long as she stays on her medications. Unfortunately, she rarely remembers to take them.

Among Bethany’s hobbies are calculus, riding her bicycle around Walnut Creek, working out at the gym, buying brightly colored outfits from H&M, and singing opera loudly and in public.

She earns a living acting as a tutor for high school students struggling in Statistics, Calculus, Precalculus, or Geometry classes. How or why anyone lets her around their children is a mystery to me, but it’s apparent that few of her customers finish lessons satisfied, and therefore she cannot keep clients for very long. If one were to sit in on one of her tutoring sessions, he/she would see Wendy working for over 45 minutes on a problem, without coming to an answer. One would also note that she wastes an alarming amount of time complaining about her chronic insomnia, her headaches as a result of massive stress, and the fact that none of her clients seem to be coming back to hire her. Why someone who operates a business that requires a steady clientele would advertise that her customers are dissatisfied is a mystery to me, but it seems as if she thinks that by gossiping about people she is forming a kind of trust between the student and herself.

Bethany only has one volume level: Opera Stage Projecting Loud. Strange looks are not strange to her, but she really doesn’t seem to care. She’s always in her own little world where she has less self-restraint and concern for what other people think of her than even a child.

The one instance when other people’s opinions matter to her, however, is fashion. As stated before, she thoroughly enjoys shopping at stores like H&M that have an abundance of brightly colored, flashy, and cheap outfits. They are as much as a bid for attention as the opera singing and outdoor voice are, and as is the case whenever anyone wears a gaudy article of clothing, people usually find themselves complimenting it. Thus, even though her outfits are rarely flattering or stylish, she receives a lot of positive comments about them from people that know her, but are too befuddled by her personality and behavior to come up with anything else to talk about.

This has led Bethany to believe that she is, in fact, a trendsetter, and one should not make any attempts to convince her otherwise. From her rants about not wanting to follow widely accepted social norms, we can infer that Bethany appears to view acceptance as a negative; an obstacle in her quest to be remembered and noticed. It might have dawned on her before that people give her a lot of negative attention (her nickname in the gym is The Singer), but she refuses to acknowledge this fact by sinking deeper into her mental illness and social unawares.

The problem with Bethany is her only employment is working as a math tutor, freelancing and working at a tutoring center. Therefore she doesn’t have the financial means to keep up with regular therapy sessions. Instead she visits a therapist once every couple of months, but rather than using the opportunity to explore her personality and difficulties, she uses the hour to rant to a captive audience about the various people that have wronged her in the past.

Bethany’s favorite color is purple. It’s bright and available in different shades, and her favorite article of clothing is a hat. It describes her perfectly: unconventional, intended to be seen as a trend, and very very difficult to pull off. Bethany is the epitome of a person who swims against the tide but has yet to have a single person follow her.

One Bounce on the Board

Working as a lifeguard is straight up one of the most boring jobs you can ever have. I do not recommend it–unless, of course, you are a teenager like me with tons of free time during the summer and an unhealthy addiction to online shopping.

As a “water rescue professional,” they tell you, it is essential to maintain constant vigilance to ensure the safety of the patrons that shell out dough every month to use private facilities that budget funds for shade tarps but not AED’s.

In short, they expect you, the employee, to sit in the sun for hours at a time, monitoring children and families frolicking in the water, without falling asleep, zoning out, or neglecting to enforce an extensive list of fun-sucking rules.

It was one of these rules that a small five-year-old boy broke when he jumped off the diving board, almost directly onto his friend. Being all the way across the pool and the only guard on duty, I was forced to drag my butt out of the chair and over to the deep end, so I could remind these youngsters about the Diving Board Rules. It was then that I noticed the Rulebreaker treading water furiously, flailing his arms in the air, and calling for help.

I hesitated, not sure if he was for real, but the look on his face convinced me that this was, indeed, Not a Drill.

Feet first (just like I’d been taught), I jumped in.

I expected him to struggle and pull away from me in a panic, so I yelled “It’s okay! I’m a lifeguard I got you!” and hoped it didn’t frighten him too much. On the contrary, the second I had him in my arms, he went limp with relief.

The deep end was a thankfully short distance to swim, and by the time I got to the other side, Dad of the Year was waiting for us. I handed his son out and exited the pool to applause.

For the first and only time in my life, I had the pleasure of blushing and saying “just doing my job.”

The rest of the summer, I was probably the Indian Valley Swim Club’s most attentive employee. No one was going to drown on my watch, and saving a life was an exhilarating and proud experience.

Side note: If someone named Jason Levy does something famous or significant or makes the world a better place, I take credit.

My National American Miss Personal Introduction

Take a good look cause I don’t think it’s coming back next year!

“From Holly Golightly standing in front of a jewelry store window, croissant in hand to Beatrix Kiddo wielding a samurai sword against impossible odds, images in film have always fascinated and inspired me. This is why, when choosing a major for my enrollment at Chapman University in the fall, I elected to study screenwriting; so I can better learn to communicate my stories and visions with the world. When I’m not playing, coaching, or refereeing lacrosse or working as a lifeguard to raise money to fund my love of traveling to foreign countries, I’m busy writing my own scripts, pursuing my dream of becoming an internationally recognized filmmaker. Eighteen years old and from the historic town of Walnut Creek, California, I’m Audrey Knox.

At First Sight

I fell in love when I was in France. It was one of those moments when just the right amount of beauty and sparkle catches your eye from all the way across the room and your jaw drops and you try to prevent yourself from gasping, but you can’t.

My heart was beating fast as I started my approach that was quicker than a walk, but still slower than a run. I had spotted a Lancel BB handbag for the first time in Marseille’s Gallerie du Lafayette mall. It was more beautiful than any French men or boys I had seen in the country thus far. It was the perfect shade of pink, which went perfectly with the white accents on its handles and edges. I was in heaven. I needed that bag.

Then I made a devastatingly tragic mistake. I checked the price tag. Nine hundred and eighty Euros. This handbag was $1,000. I had to do that thing you do at stores when things are too expensive, but you don’t want to admit that to the saleswoman that just saw you practically run over here.

I desperately tried to come up with something that was wrong with it, some reason that made it not worthy of what until now I thought was a rather expensive and impressive collection of designer handbags that I already own. I came up with nothing and had to resort to Plan B: pretend to be distracted (“Ooh look! Marc Jacobs!”)  and run away.

I snuck back later and took a picture. If pink’s not your thing, they have a huge variety in other color combinations, each one equally perfect. Google at your own risk.

Oh, and the BB? It stands for Brigitte Bardot, of course. They’re obsessed with her over there, especially in St. Tropez. And when reading UC Cosmo on the plane I saw the phrase “Bardot beautiful” used at least five times.

Anyway, I’m keeping the picture for myself. Someday that bag will be mine.

On Being Where You’re Not Supposed to Be

As promised, here is the story about how I got prime seats to the Eureka and Warehouse 13 panels,  and then in the FIFTH ROW for True Blood 🙂

Basically, while my cousin and I were waiting in line, we made some friends from U-Dub and were playing some card games having a grand old time. Meanwhile, my Aunt went to go get some food. On her way back apparently some kid collapsed right outside Ballroom 20, the place we had been waiting for over 4 hours to get into. So, being the decisive action-taker she is, my dear auntie used this diversion to sneak into the room that wasn’t taking any more people and save us three prime seats right in the middle of everything.

The moral of the story? Take action take action take action. And always pretend like you know exactly what you’re doing and that this is where you’re supposed to be. This is the strategy that put me on the red carpet at the Cowboys and Aliens premiere and allowed me to meet Olivia Wilde 😀

Comic Con. Oh yes.

I stole my cousin’s computer while she’s sleeping in the other room so I can give a very basic summary of the horrendous lines and amazing people I’ve gotten to see yesterday and today. I promise when I get home I’ll upload the picture of me with Grant from Mythbusters (!) and our very up close and personal view of the cast of Dexter (!!!) that we saw during their panel yesterday.

Now, this is my first year attending Comic Con, so Amanda (my cousin) and I had no idea what to expect. We perused the schedules and decided that the TV panels seemed most appealing. After waiting in a line that wrapped around the Port of San Diego (this is going to become a common theme, lines) we received our passes for Thursday only and went to go line up to enter the infamous Ballroom 20.

Now we thought our line yesterday was long but today it wrapped around the building, twice as long as it had been before, which led us to suspect that we had inadvertantly “cut” some people, but it was innocent, I promise, and enabled us to make it into the Ballroom in time to see the panels for Burn Notice, Covert Affairs, Psych (they were hilarious and by far the most amazing of the day. We got shirts. I’ll post the pictures when I get home), Game of Thrones (which I know I’m going to be hooked on the second I start reading the book), the new series Ringer with Sarah Michelle Gellar, and some Showtime shows including Shameless, a new series called Homeland (which looks epic) and–last but not least–DEXTER. It was brilliant and worth the fact that we didn’t leave that Ballroom from 10am to 8 that evening.

Getting good seats was the tricky part, but I’ve become an expert and am considering a career as a paid professional at getting better seats in Comic Con events or something. This “Popular Culture” (I guess it’s not just for nerds anymore) Convention is not for the faint of heart or the straight laced. Stay tuned till tomorrow when I’ll tell you how my Aunt used a medical emergency to secure us great seats for today’s True Blood panel.